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Home Wreckers | Marriage Sermon Notes

Here are the sermon notes for the 3rd installment in the Home Wreckers Series.  You can listen to our podcast of this message by clicking here or watch it on our vimeo channel.  In this series, we are tackling 6 of the biggest issues wrecking our homes.  We are talking about: Money, being single, raising kids, divorce, building a legacy.

There is an enemy out there trying to destroy your home.  HOME the place in which your domestic affections are centered. (

At PromiseLand San Marcos, we want to help you and anyone else that will listen to find the TRUTH from Jesus so that your home will not be wrecked by the lies of this culture.

1 Peter 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 11 To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

Some of you needed simply to hear that one verse today. You have been beat up this week. You thought it might have been the end. This verse says that even after you have gone through a bad week, the god of all Grace, who has called you to his eternal glory, will himself:

  • Restore what has been taken
  • Confirm your identity. You are his kids. Don’t fret it. You don’t have to lose any more sleep over this one. Jesus confirms you today. You are his child and he loves you.
  • Strengthen your position, you resolve, your resources, your finances
  • Establish you firmly in life. like roots going deep and wide into the soil solidifying your future.

Jesus said it like this:

Matthew 7:24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.  26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand.  27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

FIRST, Let’s look at the wrecking balls and then look to the word of God and respond so that our foundation is solid and secure.

  1. We have to live up to Pinterest – WRECKING BALL Used to say it like this:
    “We can’t keep up with the Joneses.” We wear ourselves out and wreck our families trying to keep up with the pace of people living a different life from us.  When they do something spectacular and post it on the internet, we should respond with, “Good job. That is great. I’m going to keep on hanging up this one strand of $14.99 Christmas lights with two missing, but you can go ahead and spend $1200 on decorations.
  1. Once I get married things will just work out – WRECKING BALL We get married and stop pursuing each other. I’m so tired of seeing people get divorced and all of the sudden working out, tanning, eating right, losing weight.  Our homes are wrecked when we put our marriage on cruise control. We have to pursue our spouse
  1. My spouse and I haven’t talked about it, but we agree on what the proper role of a husband and a wife is. WRECKING BALL We are different. God created us male and female. We are different. Being created as two different genders was not an accident. It was intentional. Both male and female represent different characteristics of God’s image/nature. We understand that in some ways men are physically different: faster, more muscular than women.  We understand that women are tougher than men when it comes to mentality and tenacity.

mancold-2 mancold-1

  1. If my spouse would simply take care of my needs, we would be good. WRECKING BALL!  Oh, ok. So it is all about them needing to take care of you, but you don’t need to help them?


This passage that we are about to read is THE manual for marriage. There are no secrets. As we go through this passage:  Let God’s word speak to you today.  Let God’s word instruct you today.  Let God’s word convict you and motivate you to action.  I am fully confident that the remedy and prescription to ANY marriage problem is found in this text.  Take notes. If there is something you haven’t heard, highlight and research. If there is something you don’t possess, PRAY and ask God for it.

This is the word you have been needing in your marriage.

Ephesians 5:15 So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. 16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.  Be careful. Don’t live like fools. Make the most of everything. Understand the Lord.


Talk to God. We read His word.  If you want your relationships to thrive, then make a commitment! Be proactive. Get into the vein of God’s Spirit.  What would be the opposite of getting into the vein of God’s spirit? Looking to the spirits of this world to console you, help you, move you forward. Paul knows this and hits it directly on the head:

18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, 19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The command to BE FILLED means that some people try to live this life as a Believer without the indwelling presence of God’s Spirit. The Holy Spirit. The message here is: if you want your relationships to be healthy. If you want your home built on a solid foundation, then pursue the infilling of the Holy Spirit that is subsequent or deeper or more or beyond simply believing in Jesus. Pray for God’s Spirit to baptize you. If you are unaware of this, then read the book of Acts and see what happens to believers when they were baptized with the Spirit.

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.  25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.

Wives submit to your husbands. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church.  These two are INSEPARABLE. You can’t have one without the other.  When these are together, this is where the magic happens.

Loving someone is such a way that you are sacrificially giving your life for theirs. Meaning you would lay down your choices for her choices. You would prefer her. You would deny your own passions in order to help your wife fulfill her passions.

Wives you are to submit to another human (and not to someone who is like Jesus all the time) but a human being that makes mistakes, passes gas, burps, comes home late, forgets to pick up the dry cleaning.

Husbands sacrificially love your wives.

28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.  31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Marriage is about helping each other become our future glory-selves, the new creations that God will eventually make us.

All deep and meaningful relationships are to help each other become more like the person that God intended us to be. He has placed others in your life to sharpen you. Marriage is the most intimate of these relationships because of the physical attraction and romance.

It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be a part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, “I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of this on earth, but now look at you!”  – Timothy Keller in the Meaning of Marriage

Each spouse should see the great thing that Jesus is doing in the life of their mate through the Word!

I want to pray with you today. Some are considering marriage. Others are early on in the marriage. Others are struggling in your relationship. Others are facing separation.

Next week, we are going to talk about kids. We are going to talk about it from both perspectives. So if you have kids or you are a kid…this one is for you.

Let’s ask God INTO whatever situation your home is encountering.  THERE IS NO SITUATION OR STORM OF LIFE THAT IS TOO BIG FOR GOD.  The enemy wants you to think that you will never find contentment or fulfillment again.  THAT IS A LIE.





Will I Ever Find My SoulMate? What Happened to My SoulMate?

HOMEWRECKERS_mainHome Wreckers! | Week Two

In this series, we are tackling 6 of the biggest issues in our homes.

We are answering questions like: Does raising kids ever get easier? What happens after divorce? How do we build a family legacy?

These are home wreckers: Selfishness, Addiction, Sexual Sin, Past Mistakes, Generational Cycles, Age differences, Personality differences, Divorce. Home Wreckers!

Today, we are going to answer the question: “Will I ever find my soul mate? What happened to my soul mate?”

RAISE YOUR HAND IF you are married up in here?? Keep your hand raised if you think you married your soul mate? JUST KIDDING! Everyone lower your hands

From the time we are born and can understand words, we hear phrases like: “living happily ever after, my other half, my better half, you complete me, I found my soul mate, I’m looking for my soul mate, I know God has THE ONE out there for me, if I could just find her/him.”

Over time, these phrases and others like them begin to create a false sense of success or security in a spouse and a marriage.

Then, our homes are wrecked because people cannot live up to the position that we have put them in. We have propped up people to be in a place that only belongs to God.

HOME – the place in which your domestic affections are centered. (

Do you know that trying to find a soul mate in another human might be the worst thing that could happen to your home as a single adult?

You are trying to create a home and don’t realize that you have a home right now.

Listen to one of our modern day poets:

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain, We jumped never asking why, We kissed, I fell under your spell. A love no one could deny, Don’t you ever say I just walked away, I will always want you, I can’t live a lie, running for my life, I will always want you, I came in like a wrecking ball, I never hit so hard in love, All I wanted was to break your walls, All you ever did was wreck me, Yeah, you, you wreck me

Those are the words of Miley Cyrus. They echo the sentiments of young adults all over the world. It is the same message that her dad, Billy Ray, sang about in 1992

But don’t tell my heart, My achy breaky heart, I just don’t think he’d understand, And if you tell my heart, My achy breaky heart, He might blow up and kill this man

At PromiseLand San Marcos, we want to help you, Miley, and Billy Ray and anyone else that will listen to find the TRUTH from Jesus so that your home will not be wrecked by the lies of this culture.

Matthew 7:24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.  26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand.  27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

What does God’s word teach about finding the man or woman of my dreams?  How should I follow God’s word about finding my soul mate and build my home on a FIRM foundation?

SHOULD I GET MARRIED?  The Bible tells us yes, not to complete you but to help you.  We are looking for a helpmate not a soulmate.

Let’s start at the beginning and go from there. After God created Adam:

Genesis 2:18 Then the lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

He created animals and they were enough to help Adam. So, God created woman!  To help Adam. Eve was to make life a bit easier for Adam. Adam was to make life a bit more easy for Eve. To help each other.

Genesis 2:23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

Let’s look at what Jesus said about finding someone and marrying them.

Mark 10:6 But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. 7 ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife,  8 and the two are united into one. ’Since they are no longer two but one, 9 let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

Paul quotes this passage as well in Ephesians 5:31.  In his Corinthian letter, Paul tells people to get married and fulfill each other, Then says:

I Corinthians 7:6 I say this (getting married part) as a concession, not as a command. 7 But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. 8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.

There is a fulfilling life of singleness that is not a mistake, or because you are not good enough, or because Mr/Mrs Right hasn’t come along yet. All life: single or married is fulfilling and complete, not because of the person in whom you’ve married. PERIOD

If finding the right person was so important, then why do so many marriages end in divorce? Why are so many married people struggling to find peace and happiness?

What Paul is saying is that contentment and peace comes from something besides being married to a specific person. Once you marry someone, they DO become your one and only! No Doubt.

But you don’t ride off in the sunset together living happily ever after.


Last week, I taught on how our finances wreck us. They wreck us primarily because of our selfishness and lack of discipline. Our desire to please our self.  This week, the wrecking ball crashes into our homes because we look to another human being to be our source of completion.  The idea of another human being your soul mate is NO WHERE IN THE BIBLE. The only soul mate in the scripture is Jesus Christ. He is the OSM. The Original Soul Mate.

Here is a great Vision for your Life: Jesus Christ is so Great, Good, Gracious, and Glorious that he can fulfill me without any other person, place, thing, or activity.

Let’s start trusting in Jesus as our soul mate. Once that is established, you are complete. You are complete in him.

If you are not complete, then you are a fraction. Half, third, quarter… .435, .934, .239  If you are whole, then you are 1.0.  Scripture says that two 1.0’s join together in marriage and become one. The only way you as a fractured person with problems, issues, hang-ups, anger outbursts, pimples, laziness, bad breath and low self confidence will ever become whole is NOT BY FINDING the right MAN or WOMAN. They will not complete YOU.

Jesus is the only one that sets you up to become a 1.0. Ready for marriage where a 1.0 meets another 1.0 and makes a covenant. Marriage is all about a covenant where you agree to walk together as a couple towards Christ. It is not about the cake, or the kids, or the house, or the grandkids. It is about agreeing to live life for better or worse with another person and HELPING THEM become more like Christ.

Timothy Keller wrote a wonderful book on this topic called the Meaning of Marriage. I highly encourage all singles to read this book before you become this person:

Emoticon Lover

You are going to wreck YOUR home if you decide to marry a person because you think they will complete you. You will wreck your home if you think that marriage will fix the problems that you have while dating. Marriage is not a magic wand that fixes your brokenness. Surrender to Jesus and you will find the healing that you are looking for. It is only after this that you will find the contentment and peace you are looking for.

If marriage is not about finding one person that perfectly completes me, does that mean I can marry anyone I want?  Is it possible to marry the wrong person?

YES, It is very possible to marry the wrong person.

2 Corinthians 6:14 Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15 What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? 16 And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God…

If you have found Jesus to be the completer of your life and you want begin a life long commitment with someone that has not, then you are unequally yoking or teaming up with someone. Setting yourself up for what my grandmother would say: “a long row to hoe”
If you are standing here saying, “I married the wrong person.”… We are continuing for the next several weeks on this topic. We couldn’t cover it all today. We are going to talk about next steps. Jesus is going to help you.



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