Category Archives: My Family
Here is week one sermon notes for our series called: “Home Wreckers!” We are going to tackle 6 of the biggest issues in our homes. You can always hear the podcasts of our message by clicking here. We will be answering questions like:
- Will I ever find my soul mate? Does God want me to be married?
- What happened to the person I married?
- Does raising kids ever get easier?
- What happens after divorce?
- How do we build a family legacy?
These are home wreckers. Selfishness, Addiction, Sexual Sin, Past Mistakes, Generational Cycles, Age differences, Personality differences, Divorce. Home Wreckers!
When I say HOME. I’m talking about single, married, widows. Home doesn’t mean home owners, married, 2 kids, and a dog. You have a home wherever you are in life.
Some of you live in a home with a spouse, a roommate, a partner, alone. We want to talk about your home. Whether that is a trailer, a dorm, an apartment, a duplex, a track home or a mansion.
In this session, we are going to talk about the number one cause of fighting in homes: Money
Money itself is not the problem. Our love for money. Our laziness dealing with money. Our apathy about money. Our pursuit of more money. Our lack of communication about it. Our lack of accountability. Our fear of the future. Are all parts of the problem.
At PromiseLand San Marcos, we want to help you find the TRUTH from Jesus so that your home will not be wrecked by the lies of this culture.
Over the next 6 weeks, we are going to help you look at the teaching of Jesus. Straight from his mouth! Look what happens when we learn from Jesus:
Matthew 7:24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
Wow. We know what a flood can do. Destructive. We are talking about more than the physical structure. We are talking about your home that transcends your house.
Your home- the place in which your domestic affections are centered.
How you view money can destroy your home. It can destroy your marriage. College students, how you view money can put you on a destructive path before you leave school.
Check out these stats:
- 76% of Americans are living pay check to pay check ($50,000 household average income) (cnnmoney)
- 68% of people who are offered employer matching retirement accounts do not participate in them. (cbsnews)
- American average has $7200 in credit card debt. (cbsnews)
- Money was most often reported as a topic of marital disagreement. It beat out tensions about leisure, each spouse’s family of origin, children and religion.
- 31% admitted to lying to their spouses about money. Another third of those surveyed said they’d been deceived by their spouses.
I really don’t need to tell you stats. It is no secret. Dealing with our money is a problem in our homes. It is wreaking havoc.
What are the financial wrecking balls?
(one or more of will attack your home)
- Lazy and Apathetic Attitude
- No Future Planning
- No Accountability
- Fear of Future | Miserly
- No Trusting God
- Lack of Training and Instruction
- No Healthy Financial Examples in our Lives
- Spending to Heal or Hide our Hurts
- Spouses Have Separate Accounts (secrets)
- Lack of Generosity
- Lack of Integrity with Paying Taxes
- We Don’t Give to God
- No Monthly Budget
Whether we like it or not, we will be attacked by one or more of these issues. You are human! You will be hit by one of them.
But…REMEMBER, JESUS’ PROMISE!
“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock.”
Did Jesus say anything about money? 11 of his 39 parables deals with finances. There are around 800 passages in the Bible that deal with money. Let’s build our homes on the solid rock of Jesus’ teaching. Here is what he has to say about handling money.
I can’t Serve An All Sufficient God and the god of self-sufficiency at the same time
Luke 16:13 “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” 14 The Pharisees, who dearly loved their money, heard all this and scoffed at him.
You can’t serve God (Jehovah) and the god of self sufficiency. The lie of money is that it is the source and you earn it. So if you want to be taken care of, then YOU need to get more money so that it will provide what you need.
I Should Pay My Taxes
Matthew 22:17 Now tell us what you think about this: Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?” 18 But Jesus knew their evil motives. “You hypocrites!” he said. “Why are you trying to trap me? 19 Here, show me the coin used for the tax.” When they handed him a Roman coin, 20 he asked, “Whose picture and title are stamped on it?” 21 “Caesar’s,” they replied. “Well, then,” he said, “give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and give to God what belongs to God.”
I Need to Budget My Finances
Luke 14:28 “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? 29 Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. 30 They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’
I Should be Alert/Attentive not Passive or Apathetic
Luke 19: 20 “But the third servant brought back only the original amount of money and said, ‘Master, I hid your money and kept it safe. 21 I was afraid because you are a hard man to deal with, taking what isn’t yours and harvesting crops you didn’t plant.’ 22 “‘You wicked servant!’ the king roared. ‘Your own words condemn you. If you knew that I’m a hard man who takes what isn’t mine and harvests crops I didn’t plant, 23 why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it.’ 24 “Then, turning to the others standing nearby, the king ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one who has ten pounds.’ 25 “‘But, master,’ they said, ‘he already has ten pounds!’ 26 “‘Yes,’ the king replied, ‘and to those who use well what they are given, even more will be given. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.
If I Give, I Will Receive
Luke 6:38 Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”
Giving means that you are separating from the money and losing control of it. You are sowing seed.
Matthew 6:19 “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.
God Provides For His Kids
Luke 12:22 …Jesus said, “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear. 23 For life is more than food, and your body more than clothing. 24 Look at the ravens. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! 25 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? 26 And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?
Maybe a more appropriate question before we go any further is, are you a child of God? Have you been adopted into his family and his provision? He promises to take care of his children. We are a part of the promise that goes way back to Abraham. He will bless and take care of those in the family.
If you are not in the family of God, then getting in is not complicated. We don’t deserve his provision. We haven’t earned the right to identify with God.
YET he loves us so much that he offers everyone in here today the chance to be in the family. Jesus came to earth to bridge the gap between God and man. He successfully accomplished that mission when he laid his life down, took on the sin of your past present and future, and nailed it to the cross. He died taking the deserved punishment for your rebellion. But, the grave could not hold him down! He rose from the grave on the third day. Now, he has sent me here today to let you know that when you put your faith in his resurrection and life, then you will be set into the family with him forever! You will be his son or daughter.
AND God provides for HIS kids!
If you have given your life to Jesus and trust him with your salvation, then you can lean on on his resources. You can trust him to provide what you need for today! Pray!
Matthew 6: 11 Give us today the food we need,
Matthew 6:31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. 34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
Generosity is a Heart Issue. It’s about sacrifice not amount or legalism
Luke 21:1 While Jesus was in the Temple, he watched the rich people dropping their gifts in the collection box. 2 Then a poor widow came by and dropped in two small coins. 3 “I tell you the truth,” Jesus said, “this poor widow has given more than all the rest of them. 4 For they have given a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she has.”
Our PSM financial help ministry is called: MONEYWISE – we are committed to help you break free and release your generosity! We offer two key resources:
- Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University – Monday Nights- 7pm, in the Student Center Theater. (small fee per family to Dave Ramsey)
- One-on-One Financial Counseling with PSM’s best Stewards! (FREE) Create a budget, start a plan to eliminate debt and release generosity!
Here are my sermon notes from Mother’s Day 2014!
Our culture is missing honor. We are so preoccupied with our own progress and contentment, we often forget respect and honor. Although honor is missing in our culture, it is a fundamental part of scripture.
Exodus 20:12 Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
Mary witnessed the crucifixion from the foot of the cross. Can you even imagine how she must’ve felt? Jesus turns to John and says, take care of her, and looks at his mother and says, let him stand in my place as your son. John lived a very long life, and I believe he took care of Mary until she went to heaven.
You cannot be wrong with your mother and be right with God. If your mother is still alive, regardless of your and her ages, you can HONOR her in these 4 ways. If your mom is not alive find another one! Many people borrow my mom.
Let’s Talk about 4 Ways to Honor MOM!
1 – HONOR MOM WITH YOUR WORDS
Mom taught us a lot with her words!
• Mothers teach us about foresight: “Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident.”
• logic: “If you fall out of that tree and break your neck, don’t come crying to me.”
• religion: “You better pray that comes out of the carpet.”
• contradictions: “Shut your mouth and eat your dinner!”
• contortionism: “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?”
• perseverance: “You are going to sit here until you eat every last piece of that broccoli.”
• circle of life: “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.
Men have the philosophy—“I don’t have to say ‘I love you’, you already know it. I have told you before, if I change my mind I’ll let you know!” Or, “I SHOW love, not just say it”
That may be true, but momma needs to hear those words, “I Love You!”
Children need to hear it…and saying it makes you more of a man, not less!
-Erica and I have been intentional about creating a verbal affirmation culture in our family.
Our spouses need to hear it, our children…our mothers also!
Some men would say, “I’m just not comfortable…”then be uncomfortable!”
What could you SAY to your mom that would honor her?
2 – HONOR HER WITH YOUR TOUCH
When’s the last time you gave her a big hug w/ out her asking for it…or a kiss on the cheek, or a neck rub, or just sat on the couch with her? Mom was the first person who ever touched you…she held you in her womb for months. Pregnant moms go through hell.
Her first priority was to hold you, she cuddled you, stroked your head, rubbed your feet, held your little cheeks against her, gave you a finger to grasp…in love she did all these things, including grooming you w/ a licked thumb.
When you were little she could say, “give me sugar”, and you’d pucker up and she’d accept your wet, sloppy kiss and even say thank you! You give her bear hugs so tight she didn’t have to hold on to you…you’d just cling to her as she walked around!
She changed your diapers, Momma CLEANED AREAS THAT YOU PROBALY HAVEN’T CLEAN SINCE, potty trained you, and held the Kleenex for you to blow your nose! She wiped food off of your face years longer than she should have had to!
She constantly touched you! Mom’s life may endure some heavy changes, but she deserves your touch and should never have to give that up completely!
How could you show honor to your mom by your touch?
3 – HONOR HER WITH YOUR PATIENCE
Mothers have an incredible job w/ no pay. Minimum wage: $75,000/year. No position in the business world compares to the physical, emotional, and spiritual commitment she has in motherhood.
In spite of all she does for us, we often become impatient with her.
She was (to some still is) your taxi, chef, nurse, wardrobe manager, career advisor, counselor, mentor, confidant, teacher.
Honor her patiently…just because she’s tender to your needs is no reason to take advantage of her, it’s reason to be patient and to love her all the more!
Teenagers: If you treated your friends like you treat your mom you wouldn’t have friends.
If you treated your friend’s mom like you treat your own, their mom wouldn’t let their kid have anything to do with you!
Your mom deserves better…she’s not a rug to wipe every negative thought on!
For us adults w/ living mothers: Love her patiently.
James Dobson read on Focus on Family Radio—letter from 80 yr. old woman on her birthday:
To all my children: I suppose my upcoming birthday started my thoughts along these lines…This is a good time to tell you that what I truly want are things I can never get enough of, yet they are free. I want the intangibles. I would like for you to come and sit with me, and for you to be relaxed. We can talk, or we can be silent. I would just like for us to be together. I need your patience when I don’t hear what you say the first time. I know how tiresome it is to always be repeating, but sometimes I must ask you to repeat. I need your patience when I think too much about the past, with my slowness and my set ways. I wan you to be tolerant with what the years have done to me physically. Please be understanding about my personal care habits. I spill things. I lose things. I get unduly excited when I try to figure out my bank statements. I can’t remember what time to take my medication, or if I took it already. I take too many naps. Sometimes sleep helps to pass the day. Well, there you have it: Time, Patience, and Understanding. Those are priceless gifts that I want. Finally, in his letter, Paul wrote, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” I know I can, too! It’s a wonderful feeling to know His eye is on the sparrow and I know He cares for me. I guess being 80 isn’t so bad after all!
How could you be more patient with your mom?
4 – HONOR HER WITH YOUR ATTENTION
Mom recently caught me in the hall and said, “I need counseling, I haven’t spoken to my adult daughter in days.”
Mothers listen as you pour out your heart…she has a sympathetic ear, always has…and even as an adult you’ve gone to her when you want someone who will really listen and understand…and she’ll always be on your side.
Several years back there was a documentary of men on death row. They interviewed the men and their mothers, too. Invariably the moms would say, “He’s such a good boy!” Interviewer: yes, but he slaughtered 37 w/ an axe!…” Mom responds with, “I know, but he has a good heart!”
It’s no wonder we like to talk to mom…she listens…but now she has issues, and now it’s your turn to be her “rock”…and take time to listen…it’s payback time!
Susanna Wesley raised 19 children including John and Charles. There was a visitor in their home one day when Charles was 5/asked mom question, she answered/5 minutes later asked it again/3rd time…7 x’s total/visitor said, why do you keep answering that question 7 times?/she answered, because, 6 would not have been enough!
Lord, help us to be that patient/attentive to our own parents as they grow older.
In older days, our parents have many fears/anxieties…may we treat them as we’d hope to be treated when we are in their shoes!
How could you honor your mom with more attention?
I have baptized hundreds of people. Strangers. Friends. Family.
However, until this past Sunday I had never baptized one of my kids. I baptized 2 of them. Wow! What a special day.
The whole service was unique because we were focusing on children. We wanted to show our congregation how important the next generation IS (not will be) and we wanted the adults to remember how important it is to remain like kids. You can check out the sermon notes here. You can listen to the message podcast here.
Erica and I have been talking to our boys about baptism for years. Of course, they see tons of people baptized at church every year. They are compelled to talk about it and ask tons of questions. Erica and I have been extremely careful to push the decision later in life. Something in us wanted to make sure the boys were making the decision for themselves and not simply because their friends were or because there was any pressure from mom and dad.
The last month or so, the boys have been telling us over and over that they wanted to be baptized. I would quiz them over and over with random questions. I would surprise them in the car, around the dinner table, or getting ready for bed. “Why do you want to be baptized?” “What does baptism mean to you?” “What does sin mean to you?” “How does sin go away from you?”
Click here for a podcast of this message.
What is Winning and Losing when it comes to Fighting with Family? Unhealthy couples fight to be right. Healthy couples fight for resolution.
Dr. John Gottman: can watch a couple for 90 seconds and know if they are going to make it.
Proverbs 27:15 a continual dropping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
It is better to have severe hemorrhoids than to live with a jerk of a husband. Erica 2:4
We all Fight.
Erica and I have fought a lot in 15 years of marriage. We have disagreed over making the bed, buying clothes, how to discipline kids, and pretty much anything else you can imagine.
All couples will fight because we are sinners. However, Healthy couples fight fair.
James 1:19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
3 Rules to Fight Fair
Stop to Listen Carefully – quick to listen
We are often quick to prove our point. We are wanting to get a word in edgewise.
Proverbs 18: 2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
If you feel like you have to prove your point or get something across, then you are believing a lie about God. That he is not capable to defend you or make the situation right. Or that God is not the one who gives you strength and credibility.
Prove to your Spouse that you are Quick to Listen:
- Repeat back to your spouse what he or she just said. It lets them know what you just heard. It keeps it focused on the topic at hand. “I understand why you feel this way when I do _______”
- Validate the fact that the feeling is there! Whether you agree with it or not. This is crucial.
When you don’t feel like you are being heard, you will feel helpless and like there is no hope.