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Will I Ever Find My SoulMate? What Happened to My SoulMate?

HOMEWRECKERS_mainHome Wreckers! | Week Two

In this series, we are tackling 6 of the biggest issues in our homes.

We are answering questions like: Does raising kids ever get easier? What happens after divorce? How do we build a family legacy?

These are home wreckers: Selfishness, Addiction, Sexual Sin, Past Mistakes, Generational Cycles, Age differences, Personality differences, Divorce. Home Wreckers!

Today, we are going to answer the question: “Will I ever find my soul mate? What happened to my soul mate?”

RAISE YOUR HAND IF you are married up in here?? Keep your hand raised if you think you married your soul mate? JUST KIDDING! Everyone lower your hands

From the time we are born and can understand words, we hear phrases like: “living happily ever after, my other half, my better half, you complete me, I found my soul mate, I’m looking for my soul mate, I know God has THE ONE out there for me, if I could just find her/him.”

Over time, these phrases and others like them begin to create a false sense of success or security in a spouse and a marriage.

Then, our homes are wrecked because people cannot live up to the position that we have put them in. We have propped up people to be in a place that only belongs to God.

HOME – the place in which your domestic affections are centered. (dictionary.com)

Do you know that trying to find a soul mate in another human might be the worst thing that could happen to your home as a single adult?

You are trying to create a home and don’t realize that you have a home right now.

Listen to one of our modern day poets:

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain, We jumped never asking why, We kissed, I fell under your spell. A love no one could deny, Don’t you ever say I just walked away, I will always want you, I can’t live a lie, running for my life, I will always want you, I came in like a wrecking ball, I never hit so hard in love, All I wanted was to break your walls, All you ever did was wreck me, Yeah, you, you wreck me

Those are the words of Miley Cyrus. They echo the sentiments of young adults all over the world. It is the same message that her dad, Billy Ray, sang about in 1992

But don’t tell my heart, My achy breaky heart, I just don’t think he’d understand, And if you tell my heart, My achy breaky heart, He might blow up and kill this man

At PromiseLand San Marcos, we want to help you, Miley, and Billy Ray and anyone else that will listen to find the TRUTH from Jesus so that your home will not be wrecked by the lies of this culture.

Matthew 7:24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.  26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand.  27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

What does God’s word teach about finding the man or woman of my dreams?  How should I follow God’s word about finding my soul mate and build my home on a FIRM foundation?

SHOULD I GET MARRIED?  The Bible tells us yes, not to complete you but to help you.  We are looking for a helpmate not a soulmate.

Let’s start at the beginning and go from there. After God created Adam:

Genesis 2:18 Then the lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

He created animals and they were enough to help Adam. So, God created woman!  To help Adam. Eve was to make life a bit easier for Adam. Adam was to make life a bit more easy for Eve. To help each other.

Genesis 2:23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

Let’s look at what Jesus said about finding someone and marrying them.

Mark 10:6 But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. 7 ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife,  8 and the two are united into one. ’Since they are no longer two but one, 9 let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

Paul quotes this passage as well in Ephesians 5:31.  In his Corinthian letter, Paul tells people to get married and fulfill each other, Then says:

I Corinthians 7:6 I say this (getting married part) as a concession, not as a command. 7 But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. 8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.

There is a fulfilling life of singleness that is not a mistake, or because you are not good enough, or because Mr/Mrs Right hasn’t come along yet. All life: single or married is fulfilling and complete, not because of the person in whom you’ve married. PERIOD

If finding the right person was so important, then why do so many marriages end in divorce? Why are so many married people struggling to find peace and happiness?

What Paul is saying is that contentment and peace comes from something besides being married to a specific person. Once you marry someone, they DO become your one and only! No Doubt.

But you don’t ride off in the sunset together living happily ever after.

 

Last week, I taught on how our finances wreck us. They wreck us primarily because of our selfishness and lack of discipline. Our desire to please our self.  This week, the wrecking ball crashes into our homes because we look to another human being to be our source of completion.  The idea of another human being your soul mate is NO WHERE IN THE BIBLE. The only soul mate in the scripture is Jesus Christ. He is the OSM. The Original Soul Mate.

Here is a great Vision for your Life: Jesus Christ is so Great, Good, Gracious, and Glorious that he can fulfill me without any other person, place, thing, or activity.

Let’s start trusting in Jesus as our soul mate. Once that is established, you are complete. You are complete in him.

If you are not complete, then you are a fraction. Half, third, quarter… .435, .934, .239  If you are whole, then you are 1.0.  Scripture says that two 1.0’s join together in marriage and become one. The only way you as a fractured person with problems, issues, hang-ups, anger outbursts, pimples, laziness, bad breath and low self confidence will ever become whole is NOT BY FINDING the right MAN or WOMAN. They will not complete YOU.

Jesus is the only one that sets you up to become a 1.0. Ready for marriage where a 1.0 meets another 1.0 and makes a covenant. Marriage is all about a covenant where you agree to walk together as a couple towards Christ. It is not about the cake, or the kids, or the house, or the grandkids. It is about agreeing to live life for better or worse with another person and HELPING THEM become more like Christ.

Timothy Keller wrote a wonderful book on this topic called the Meaning of Marriage. I highly encourage all singles to read this book before you become this person:

Emoticon Lover

You are going to wreck YOUR home if you decide to marry a person because you think they will complete you. You will wreck your home if you think that marriage will fix the problems that you have while dating. Marriage is not a magic wand that fixes your brokenness. Surrender to Jesus and you will find the healing that you are looking for. It is only after this that you will find the contentment and peace you are looking for.

If marriage is not about finding one person that perfectly completes me, does that mean I can marry anyone I want?  Is it possible to marry the wrong person?

YES, It is very possible to marry the wrong person.

2 Corinthians 6:14 Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15 What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? 16 And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God…

If you have found Jesus to be the completer of your life and you want begin a life long commitment with someone that has not, then you are unequally yoking or teaming up with someone. Setting yourself up for what my grandmother would say: “a long row to hoe”
If you are standing here saying, “I married the wrong person.”… We are continuing for the next several weeks on this topic. We couldn’t cover it all today. We are going to talk about next steps. Jesus is going to help you.

 

 

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Protect Your Home from a Financial Wrecking Ball

HOMEWRECKERS_mainHere is week one sermon notes for our series called: “Home Wreckers!” We are going to tackle 6 of the biggest issues in our homes. You can always hear the podcasts of our message by clicking here.  We will be answering questions like:

  • Will I ever find my soul mate? Does God want me to be married?
  • What happened to the person I married?
  • Does raising kids ever get easier?
  • What happens after divorce?
  • How do we build a family legacy?

These are home wreckers. Selfishness, Addiction, Sexual Sin, Past Mistakes, Generational Cycles, Age differences, Personality differences, Divorce. Home Wreckers!

When I say HOME. I’m talking about single, married, widows. Home doesn’t mean home owners, married, 2 kids, and a dog. You have a home wherever you are in life.

Some of you live in a home with a spouse, a roommate, a partner, alone. We want to talk about your home. Whether that is a trailer, a dorm, an apartment, a duplex, a track home or a mansion.

In this session, we are going to talk about the number one cause of fighting in homes: Money

Money itself is not the problem. Our love for money. Our laziness dealing with money. Our apathy about money. Our pursuit of more money.  Our lack of communication about it. Our lack of accountability. Our fear of the future.  Are all parts of the problem.

At PromiseLand San Marcos, we want to help you find the TRUTH from Jesus so that your home will not be wrecked by the lies of this culture.

Over the next 6 weeks, we are going to help you look at the teaching of Jesus. Straight from his mouth! Look what happens when we learn from Jesus:

Matthew 7:24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.  26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand.  27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

Wow. We know what a flood can do. Destructive. We are talking about more than the physical structure. We are talking about your home that transcends your house.

Your home- the place in which your domestic affections are centered.

How you view money can destroy your home. It can destroy your marriage. College students, how you view money can put you on a destructive path before you leave school.

Check out these stats:

  • 76% of Americans are living pay check to pay check ($50,000 household average income)  (cnnmoney)
  • 68% of people who are offered employer matching retirement accounts do not participate in them. (cbsnews)
  • American average has $7200 in credit card debt. (cbsnews)
  • Money was most often reported as a topic of marital disagreement. It beat out tensions about leisure, each spouse’s family of origin, children and religion.
  • 31% admitted to lying to their spouses about money.  Another third of those surveyed said they’d been deceived by their spouses.

I really don’t need to tell you stats. It is no secret. Dealing with our money is a problem in our homes. It is wreaking havoc.

What are the financial wrecking balls?

(one or more of will attack your home)

  • Lazy and Apathetic Attitude
  • No Future Planning
  • No Accountability
  • Selfishness
  • Fear of Future | Miserly
  • No Trusting God
  • Lack of Training and Instruction
  • No Healthy Financial Examples in our Lives
  • Spending to Heal or Hide our Hurts
  • Spouses Have Separate Accounts (secrets)
  • Lack of Generosity
  • Lack of Integrity with Paying Taxes
  • We Don’t Give to God
  • No Monthly Budget

Whether we like it or not, we will be attacked by one or more of these issues. You are human! You will be hit by one of them.

But…REMEMBER, JESUS’ PROMISE!

“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock.”

 

Did Jesus say anything about money?  11 of his 39 parables deals with finances.  There are around 800 passages in the Bible that deal with money.  Let’s build our homes on the solid rock of Jesus’ teaching. Here is what he has to say about handling money.

  1. I can’t Serve An All Sufficient God and the god of self-sufficiency at the same time

Luke 16:13 “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” 14 The Pharisees, who dearly loved their money, heard all this and scoffed at him.

You can’t serve God (Jehovah) and the god of self sufficiency. The lie of money is that it is the source and you earn it. So if you want to be taken care of, then YOU need to get more money so that it will provide what you need.

 

  1. I Should Pay My Taxes

Matthew 22:17 Now tell us what you think about this: Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?” 18 But Jesus knew their evil motives. “You hypocrites!” he said. “Why are you trying to trap me? 19 Here, show me the coin used for the tax.” When they handed him a Roman coin, 20 he asked, “Whose picture and title are stamped on it?” 21 “Caesar’s,” they replied. “Well, then,” he said, “give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and give to God what belongs to God.”

 

  1. I Need to Budget My Finances

Luke 14:28 “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? 29 Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. 30 They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’

 

  1. I Should be Alert/Attentive not Passive or Apathetic

Luke 19: 20 “But the third servant brought back only the original amount of money and said, ‘Master, I hid your money and kept it safe. 21 I was afraid because you are a hard man to deal with, taking what isn’t yours and harvesting crops you didn’t plant.’  22 “‘You wicked servant!’ the king roared. ‘Your own words condemn you. If you knew that I’m a hard man who takes what isn’t mine and harvests crops I didn’t plant, 23 why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it.’ 24 “Then, turning to the others standing nearby, the king ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one who has ten pounds.’ 25 “‘But, master,’ they said, ‘he already has ten pounds!’ 26 “‘Yes,’ the king replied, ‘and to those who use well what they are given, even more will be given. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.  

  1. If I Give, I Will Receive

Luke 6:38 Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”

Giving means that you are separating from the money and losing control of it. You are sowing seed.

Matthew 6:19 “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal.  20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

  1. God Provides For His Kids

Luke 12:22 …Jesus said, “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear. 23   For life is more than food, and your body more than clothing.  24 Look at the ravens. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds!  25 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? 26 And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?

Maybe a more appropriate question before we go any further is, are you a child of God?  Have you been adopted into his family and his provision?  He promises to take care of his children. We are a part of the promise that goes way back to Abraham. He will bless and take care of those in the family.

If you are not in the family of God, then getting in is not complicated.  We don’t deserve his provision. We haven’t earned the right to identify with God.

YET he loves us so much that he offers everyone in here today the chance to be in the family. Jesus came to earth to bridge the gap between God and man. He successfully accomplished that mission when he laid his life down, took on the sin of your past present and future, and nailed it to the cross. He died taking the deserved punishment for your rebellion. But, the grave could not hold him down! He rose from the grave on the third day. Now, he has sent me here today to let you know that when you put your faith in his resurrection and life, then you will be set into the family with him forever! You will be his son or daughter.

AND God provides for HIS kids!

If you have given your life to Jesus and trust him with your salvation, then you can lean on on his resources. You can trust him to provide what you need for today!  Pray!

Matthew 6: 11 Give us today the food we need, 

Matthew 6:31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.  34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. 

  1. Generosity is a Heart Issue. It’s about sacrifice not amount or legalism

Luke 21:1 While Jesus was in the Temple, he watched the rich people dropping their gifts in the collection box.  2 Then a poor widow came by and dropped in two small coins. 3 “I tell you the truth,” Jesus said, “this poor widow has given more than all the rest of them. 4 For they have given a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she has.”

Our PSM financial help ministry is called: MONEYWISE – we are committed to help you break free and release your generosity!  We offer two key resources:

  • Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University – Monday Nights- 7pm, in the Student Center Theater. (small fee per family to Dave Ramsey)
  • One-on-One Financial Counseling with PSM’s best Stewards! (FREE) Create a budget, start a plan to eliminate debt and release generosity!
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