Home Wreckers! | Week Five

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In this series, we are tackling 6 of the biggest issues wrecking our homes.  We have talked about: Money, being single, raising kids, marriage,

Today we are going to talk about the very difficult topic of: Divorce!  There is an enemy out there trying to destroy your home.  HOME – the place in which your domestic affections are centered. (dictionary.com)  At PromiseLand San Marcos, we want to help you and anyone else that will listen to find the TRUTH from Jesus so that your home will not be wrecked by the lies of this culture.

Jesus said it like this:

Matthew 7:24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.  26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand.  27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

We have all heard that the divorce rate in America is 50%. That is sort of true.  When you look at the statistics closer, you see:

• 41% of first marriages end in divorce.
• 60% of second marriages end in divorce.
• 73% of third marriages end in divorce.
• 10% of marriages active in local church end in divorce. Harvard-trained researcher Shaunti Feldhahn

Let’s look at what the Bible teaches about Divorce. I have created a little illustrated chart for you to follow along with. You can take notes on the left side and fill in MARRIAGE or DIVORCE under each scenario as we go along. We want to see what the Bible says about each one.

This first scripture is a response from Jesus to people trying to trick him. Judgmental, Religious leaders who didn’t like Jesus were trying to get him to mess up. They wanted to catch him in some sort of mistake or confusion about God’s ways.

Matthew 19:3 … “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

2 Happy Believers Should Stay Married

Two Married people who believe in Jesus should not get divorced. He makes it clear that marriage is intended for man and woman and that it is a covenant that you make with each other lasting until one of you dies.  Pretty self explanatory. Most people don’t have a problem staying together when things are going well.

Matthew 19:7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so…”

2 Unhappy Believers Should Stay Married

This doesn’t mean that Jesus wants them to stay unhappy. Instead, he wants to be their solution to struggle and pain. JESUS wants to the softener of their hearts!

THIS HAS HAPPENED TO SO MANY PEOPLE I KNOW!  I have counseled tons of believers in the last 12 years that have been in awful situations of legal trouble, debt, cheating, selfishness… BUT JESUS.  They trusted in Jesus and He made a way in their life.  Sin may be abounding in a marriage. Sin and ugliness may be rearing its ugly head, but the Bible brings us good news today:

Romans 5:20 But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:

(NLT)…But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant. 21 So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

It does not matter how dark and bleak the situation looks, IF BOTH husband and wife surrender to the almighty God of heaven and earth something can begin to shift in the marriage. Selfishness begins to dry up. Love, mercy, and peace begin to bloom and sprout like a wildflower!

If you are contemplating divorce, always remember this:

Divorce will cost you much more than you ever expected and will return much less of a reward than you ever hoped. 

About 5-6 years ago we had a woman tell us she had a vision from God that she was to leave her marriage. Her husband was faithful to her, loved her, provided for the kids, wanted to stay married. She DID NOT have a vision, she had indigestion or something…She was disinterested. Didn’t want to invest in the marriage. Most of all wasn’t trusting in Jesus to be the savior, was DECIEVED and was blaming it on God.

The Bible is clear divorce is not for 2 “believers”.  If you are in this situation where you want it to work out and you simply don’t know the path, then PLEASE contact us and let one of our pastors or counselors meet with you and your spouse. JESUS IS ABLE!

1 Corinthians 7:12 Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 13 And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him.

1 Unhappy (or happy) Believer and 1 Happy Unbeliever Should Stay Married

Basically, if you married not knowing God’s perfect plan and you married someone who doesn’t trust in God (unequally yoked) OR if they changed their mind about Jesus after marriage:  Paul is saying, that is not grounds for divorce. If that person still loves you and you are working on your marriage, keep on going.

It will be difficult because you might disagree on how to raise kids, give financially, spend time at church functions, etc. BUT GOD is able to handle all those situations. He understands you might be needed in His plan to help your unsaved loved one.

1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.

1 Abandoned Believer and 1 Unhappy Leaver Ends in Divorce

Notice, I put Unhappy LEAVER. It doesn’t matter if the leaver says they are a believer or not. If they are walking out on a marriage, then they are not believing in Jesus as their savior.  AND Someone doesn’t have to file for divorce to “leave” the marriage. Sometimes BELIEVERS have to file for divorce to move on with their lives because the leaver is too unstable and unable to make rational choices with their future.

Going back to the text we read earlier, Jesus said to the religious leaders:

Matthew 19:9 And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”

Being unfaithful is the key to the divorce allowance. What does that mean? Some would say that means adultery only. When we start to write in stone the specifics of the law of what unfaithful we start to become the Pharisees that were talking to Jesus in the first place.

If you are unsure about your relationship with your spouse and if they are being unfaithful and if divorce is where you need to head, then TALK to your pastor. Speak to someone that can help you get to the heart of the matter. That is exactly what Jesus was trying to convey to the Pharisees. They wanted him to define the letter of the law, and Jesus said no, it is about the HEART not the letter of the law. In fact, when it comes to the heart, the law can actually be tough than the letter… (lust is adultery, not just sex)

I want to speak to those of you who are either going through a divorce or you have been divorced already:

Often you can’t keep tragedy from striking your life, but you always have the power to decide how you respond to it.   No one can take that from you.

The grief of divorce is neutral in a sense.  The darkness of divorce does not have the authority to control you. You can decide to allow the heaviness of divorce take you down the tunnel of depression or up in an atmosphere of worship.

In these moments of despair, you remember the truth that Greater is He that lives within you than he who lives in the World.

1 John 4:4 But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.

I am going to be a VICTOR, not a VICTIM:  VICTIM or VICTOR
Victim and Victors start the same way. Someone did you wrong. You were trying your best and others have taken advantage of your goodness. When you have been the target of ugliness, you have a disctint option.  Although VICTIM and VICTORS start out the same way, they have complete different outcomes.  Some of you have been dealt a hand that really stinks, but I have come today to bring good news! JESUS IS IN THE HOUSE TODAY.

We don’t always understand God’s timing or reasons for allowing certain things, but I believe that your miracle is in the house today because Jesus is here and He is still the miracle worker.

What do you do in the waiting room of life?  What do you do when she has walked out on you or he found someone else?  We make the choice to respond to God’s truth and promise. He WILL restore our home. He WILL restore our peace. He WILL satisfy us. He WILL protect and fulfill us.

Maybe you are sitting here and asking the question: how do I know if I am a believer or not.

When we say believer, we mean that you BELIEVE Jesus Christ was not just a human, but that he was more than a human. He lived a perfect life, he lived the life that we all want to live, He saw that we as humans were imperfect and failing at life. He loved us so much that he made a new covenant with us. If you believe in me, If you trust in me, I will trade you. I will take your broken life and receive the punishment for it, and you can have what my life earned: eternal life.

Who ever today calls on the name of the Lord, will be saved. You can become a believer in Jesus right now. Not because of your grandma, or momma, or daddy, or spouse, BUT because YOU want to live a new life of freedom.

If that is you OR this message specifically spoke to you about marriage or divorce, I want you to come out of the aisles right now and walk towards the front in a sign of surrender.