A Lousy Pastor’s Wife
From time to time people get upset with me because I am unable to personally connect with them. Most folks in this category simply quit coming without addressing it. Ever once in a while, I will get an email with their frustration. I am polite in response and let them know that I am sorry.
The truth will not console them, however. The truth is that I will not be able to connect with everyone personally. If that is what they need, then they will have to go to a smaller church where the senior pastor can personally be involved in everyone’s life. In our church, I don’t know everyone personally. In fact, I don’t know every one’s name or….even their face. I see people in the store that go to our church and I don’t recognize them. I don’t say anything to them (because I don’t recognize them). I am not trying to be rude, but I don’t know them.
I intimately know all the people that get involved in the church. I know every man that attends Wed morning prayer at 6am. I can tell you about their marriage, their kids, their hangups, their physical fitness, etc. I know all the volunteers that get to the church at 8am on Sunday morning. I know all the people that attend leadership meetings and serve at events like ‘trunk or treat’.
I am saying all this because this past week Erica got her first letter about not being a good pastor’s wife. I could tell you all about the letter, but I will let you read it for yourself. (I have taken out or changed anything that might reveal the author.)
Hello Erica could you do me a favor and remove my friend request from FB. I keep getting mssg from ur wall. I realize that you declined my request some time back. I found that very strange be it that Ive attended your church for the last few years and that im a member there as well. You dont even know who i am I have stopped going to ur church due to that reality. I hope that is something you will change. See the people in ur church that you dont hang out with everyday. It hurt when ur own pastor doesnt know who you are.
Erica read the letter and did really well. She was disappointed that this person was upset. It is the puncturing of an ideal. Expectations of a pastor’s wife are often too lofty to fill.
I want to go on record to say that Erica is not a lousy pastor’s wife.
If you are looking for a pastor’s wife that: sings, plays an instrument, preaches, leads the women’s ministry, is at every function, works at the church in an office, has a church email address, will be at every service, etc, you will be disappointed. She was not created to lead in this way.
However, if you are looking for an example of: an incredible wife, a loving mother, a devout Christ-like follower, a pursuer of God’s plan, some to help you through pregnancy and child-birth, a giver, a helper, an adopter, someone who will tell you the truth even if it hurts…then you will be extremely satisfied!
Here is her response to the email:
I am sorry that this happened. It is true that I don’t know everyone in our church. I will definitely dissapoint when it comes to that. I have three kids and often a foster kid or two on top of that, so my plate is full. It is hard for me to be friends with everyone and to know who each person is in a church as large as ours. It is because I don’t recognize everyone that I don’t accept every friend request; I would rather people I don’t know personally not read about my personal life. I would have liked it if you would have sent me a message and let me know who you were with your friend request; then maybe we could have gotten to know each other. I removed your request like you asked.
Yeah, that is classic ‘Erica’ and I love it.