How to Fight with your Spouse and WIN

Click here for a podcast of this message.
What is Winning and Losing when it comes to Fighting with Family?  Unhealthy couples fight to be right.  Healthy couples fight for resolution.

Dr. John Gottman: can watch a couple for 90 seconds and know if they are going to make it.

Proverbs 27:15 a continual dropping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

It is better to have severe hemorrhoids than to live with a jerk of a husband.  Erica 2:4

photo

We all Fight.

Erica and I have fought a lot in 15 years of marriage.  We have disagreed over making the bed, buying clothes, how to discipline kids, and pretty much anything else you can imagine.

All couples will fight because we are sinners.  However, Healthy couples fight fair. 

James 1:19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

3 Rules to Fight Fair

  1. Stop to Listen Carefully – quick to listen

We are often quick to prove our point. We are wanting to get a word in edgewise.

Proverbs 18: 2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.

If you feel like you have to prove your point or get something across, then you are believing a lie about God. That he is not capable to defend you or make the situation right. Or that God is not the one who gives you strength and credibility.

Prove to your Spouse that you are Quick to Listen:

  • Repeat back to your spouse what he or she just said.  It lets them know what you just heard.  It keeps it focused on the topic at hand. “I understand why you feel this way when I do _______”
  • Validate the fact that the feeling is there! Whether you agree with it or not. This is crucial.

When you don’t feel like you are being heard, you will feel helpless and like there is no hope.

Read the rest of this entry

Why You Need Guardrails in Your Life

What would it take to STAY IN God and not waver. Not sin back and forth. Not be a wishy-washy Christian. Not to be a hypocrite.  Not to revert back to a lifestyle of sin.

Today, let’s talk about Guardrails. Guardrails are barriers that keep you from going into a danger area.  They are before you get to the danger. They are set up in areas that you could technically drive in, but are warning you to not go any further.    They cause a little bit of trouble before you get into a lot of trouble.

Proverbs 22:3 The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it

Most folks in here (if you were honest) would admit that the biggest trouble you have been in could have been avoided if there were guardrails or boundaries or habits that you participated in.

Bankruptcy, affairs, addictions, violence, lashing out, sticking your foot in your mouth, cheating, stealing…any sin. That one thing you wish you could take back!

Today, I am not going to give you a bunch of rules or clearly define the guardrails for your family.

There are some guardrails in scripture, but practically, we all need to examine our life and establish guardrails that are from our heart and intricately connected to our heart…forever.

I want to give you the premise of WHY we have them and then give you the freedom to work them out with your family.

Let’s begin with this simple premise:

Read the rest of this entry

Why Your Family Identity Matters

Here are sermon notes for Don’t Duck Your Dynasty | Week One

photo-7Over the Next Four Weeks, we are going to focus on the gospel in relation to our FAMILY LIFE.  You have a heritage.  There is a lineage that you came from and through you more will come.

Don’t Duck Your Dynasty!  Will you have a Dynasty?

Dynasty= series of members of a family who are distinguished for their success, wealth, etc.

You WILL be successful at passing down certain attributes to your future family members!

What will those attributes, habits, and characteristics be? 

When the Israelites had been ushered into the Promised Land, their leader gave them a strong message. It was a choice. You can serve the God who promised us blessing, delivered us from slavery in Egypt, gave us the Holy Land OR you can serve the local gods of the Canaanites. 

Joshua 24:14 “So fear the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. Put away forever the idols your ancestors worshiped when they lived beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt. Serve the Lord alone. 15 But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” (NLT)

Who does your family serve?  Here is a question that you could ask yourself that will probably answer it clearly:

What is it that makes your family proud? What is your family known for? With what do you identify with first, second, third, etc?

Are you most proud to call yourself:

  • a man or a woman
  • Hispanic, Black, White, Asian
  • College educated
  • Republican or Democrat
  • Self-made
  • Man’s Man
  • Independent
  • Ecology conscious
  • Cowboy, Texan, Spur, Longhorn, Aggie

What energizes you the most? When are you most offended? What part of your life do you DEFEND the most?

Read the rest of this entry

Don’t Duck YOUR Dynasty

ddyd_slide_main2

What is your Family’s legacy?

Where does your family get its identity?

Joshua 24:14 “So fear the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. Put away forever the idols your ancestors worshiped when they lived beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt. Serve the Lord alone. 15  But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” (NLT)

We are launching a new sermon series and this is a WONDERFUL time to invite your friends to church.  This will be helpful and practical advice on Marriage, Parenting, and Single-Living.  It’s all from the Bible!

FEB 9th – Kick off day: Wear Your Camo!

  • Week 1: How to Create an Identity for Your Family.  You have a family name, history, bloodline, image, etc.   We will talk about what that means and how God makes a difference.
  • Week 2: How to Set Traditions, Habits, Boundaries, and Discipline - We are creatures of habit.  What are your habits teaching your family and those around you?
  • Week 3: How to Fight with Family - Let’s face it, we all have disagreements with our spouse, parents, and kids.  Pastor Robin AND Erica will talk about how to Biblically disagree and respect one another.
  • Week 4: How to Model Grace and Mercy - We shouldn’t just teach about the Bible.  We need to model it. This week we will talk about how to LIVE an example of the gospel .

 These shirts will be available starting Feb 9th. Get one and represent PSM!

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 8.47.38 PM

All In | Week Four | Sermon Notes

ALL IN | Week Four

We are going ALL IN!  A decision that changes everything.  This could be the moment that changes your life forever!  The right direction tomorrow begins with the right decision today.

If you are just getting back to church in 2014, we want to welcome you to go All In with us!  Come and Follow Christ with us!

We are accustomed to “Following” – social media. I’m in. I’m out.  I’m in. I’m out. I “like you” because you might could help me out.

Following Christ is completely different.

I have Decided To Follow Jesus – The lyrics are based on the last words of a man in Assam, north-east India, who along with his family was converted to Christianity in the middle of the 19th century through the efforts of a Welsh missionary. He was called to renounce his faith by the village chief.  His response, “I have decided to follow Jesus”.  In response to threats to his family, he continued, “Though no one joins me, still I will follow.” After his wife was executed for her faith, he was being led to his death, the man declared,  “The cross before me, the world behind me.” This display of faith is reported to have led to the conversion of the chief and others in the village.

Mark 8:34 If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross (Luke added the word ‘Daily’) and follow me. 35 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. 36 For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?  37 For what can a man give in return for his soul? 38 For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.” 

We are a big church with a lot of people on different parts of the faith journey.  We continually want you to take this following seriously.

As a pastor, it’s my job to show you what it looks like.  Where ever you are…find yourself and take the next step.

When you loose your life, you will find it.  If you continue to save your life, you will loose it.

Rick Warren broke down the steps like this:

  • Crowd“Come and See”

first appeal from Jesus was to the “crowd”  – everybody come and see.  Free coffee, take care of your kids, hangout, low commitment.  Jesus did the same thing.  Jesus first message to Peter was ‘come and see’.  He filled his boat full of fish!  Jesus was appealing to the crowd (miracles).

Take a few months if you need to.  To see if this is what you want to do, don’t give, don’t serve. Just come see.  THEN, there is a point when the next step is join:

  • Congregation– “Come and Join”   
    • First: Join JESUS! I want to be in the family of God!  Follow him.  Trust in His good news.
    • Second: Join PSM.  When you join Jesus it is natural to join a church!  Let me just say something that most pastors probably wont say.  “I know you are not always going to be here.”  My job is not to get you to stay at PromiseLand San Marcos.  You are going to move, die, change churches, whatever.  My job is not to keep you here. My job is to outline the way while you are here. So, here is the point, if you are here, JOIN UP.  This is not a lifelong commitment, but it is a commitment. While I am here in San Marcos, I will be a part of a local congregation. Learn from, be accountable to, serve in, give to.  At some point, join up with the group and be a part. Next week is 101.
  • Committed – “Come  and Grow”

Salvation and joining a church is not the end of the line, it is the beginning of the journey!

Maybe that means to start reading the Bible on regular basis.  Go on the City and find a daily reading schedule.

Join a PromiseGroup.

Dig into the 21 day prayer and fasting thing.  If you don’t know how to pray, then just come and watch others pray. Get a prayer guide and let us show you.

We are inviting you to go to the next level.  Jump in on the Growth Track 101, Essentials 201, Discover 301

Read the rest of this entry

Beautiful Truth

encouraging & inspiring authentic relationship with God and each other

rheaofsunshine

a Journey of Finding Faith

mialuanne

HoPE for Mia Lu Anne

Made Meaningful

Let's Walk Together

it is what it is (and what YOU make of it!)

a blog about faith, family and life

Miguel Diaz

El lado opuesto de las cosas.

Jason Warman

A life-giving, life-changing blog for churches and leaders

Brandon Stewart Communications

Inspire. Equip. Coach.

DUSTYDEAN

husband. father. pastor. founder of reveal. lover of chips.

Melissa Mon Amie

Loving God with mind, heart and soul

Sammy Yammy and HoPE

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." ~Dr. Seuss

by Sarah Halstead

snapshots & memoir

Abiding in the Kingdom

An exploration of spiritual life

Journey Full of Life

The Story of Braxton Joseph

Red Road Diaries

Musings from the back roads

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,305 other followers