Category Archives: My Family
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What is Winning and Losing when it comes to Fighting with Family? Unhealthy couples fight to be right. Healthy couples fight for resolution.
Dr. John Gottman: can watch a couple for 90 seconds and know if they are going to make it.
Proverbs 27:15 a continual dropping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
It is better to have severe hemorrhoids than to live with a jerk of a husband. Erica 2:4
We all Fight.
Erica and I have fought a lot in 15 years of marriage. We have disagreed over making the bed, buying clothes, how to discipline kids, and pretty much anything else you can imagine.
All couples will fight because we are sinners. However, Healthy couples fight fair.
James 1:19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
3 Rules to Fight Fair
Stop to Listen Carefully – quick to listen
We are often quick to prove our point. We are wanting to get a word in edgewise.
Proverbs 18: 2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
If you feel like you have to prove your point or get something across, then you are believing a lie about God. That he is not capable to defend you or make the situation right. Or that God is not the one who gives you strength and credibility.
Prove to your Spouse that you are Quick to Listen:
- Repeat back to your spouse what he or she just said. It lets them know what you just heard. It keeps it focused on the topic at hand. “I understand why you feel this way when I do _______”
- Validate the fact that the feeling is there! Whether you agree with it or not. This is crucial.
When you don’t feel like you are being heard, you will feel helpless and like there is no hope.
FROM MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE!
Robin and I haven’t posted since Kennady got home from the hospital during her last stay because the pace of life right now, feels similar to the pace of an avalanche at your back while skiing straight down a hill.
Kennady made it home and recovered great after her baclofen pump was implanted.
Approximately 1 month out from the surgery, she got an infection in her site which ultimately resolved on it’s own.
10 days ago (2 weeks after the last infection healed up) Kennady’s incision on her back, developed a red raised spot on it. This grew over the week and then the redness spread to the front of her belly and incisions.
I took her in to the E.R. on Saturday knowing that we were most likely not leaving until we got some antibiotics, at a minimum.
Low and behold, she was admitted.
I was asked to close and pray at the funeral service for my grandfather, Vernon Steele. Here is what I said:
death there is a natural tendency to remember the good times, the endearing qualities. We thank God for this tendency. We think of the smiles and the lessons learned, the protection and provision of a man like Vernon Steele. Wow, no one like that. Strong as an ox, creative, inventor, craftsman, lover of classical music and Mercedes Benz. Not sure I ever heard him explain anything with such love as his collection of Mercedes.
However, our mind sometimes wanders to other moments when times were tough. We want to wrap things up and put a bow on someone’s life. I have been doing funerals officially for ten years and it is a struggle for anyone. Now, I have been asked to be the final speaker for Vernon Steele and then say a prayer.
I just want to say that every time Vernon showed us his humanity and brokenness. Every time we were faced with a situation where we tried to make excuses or say that is just the way he is… Jesus Christ was dying for Vernon.
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. 10 For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. 11And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.
In the midst of us trying to make sense and make wrong pieces fit, the Blood of Jesus Christ cleanses and make right. Jesus makes all things well. We rejoice in the reconciliation of all things. We serve a Jesus that doesn’t give up on something that is broken but endures the cross so that we are FREE!
Lord, we are grateful today that we have been blessed a husband, father, grandfather, friend. We are thankful for his life and all of the values passed down. I pray that the Holy Ghost empowers my grandmother to seize this season of life. That she experience peace that passes all understanding. That she feel strength in her body, soul, and spirit. That each son, daughter, grandchild, and EVERY ‘in-law’ would bond like never before. I pray for unity and a kindred spirit to permeate every relationship. Lord, may we BE the body of Christ on earth that you have called us to be. We are needing you. We desire you. We call on you today to give us YOU. That is all we need. In Jesus name, and EVERYBODY say “AMEN”!
I have over 600 posts on this blog and it is a great place for me to post on my life and church stuff. However, since February 2012, my wife and I have launched a ministry specifically dealing with our life with Kennady (our daughter born with severe special needs). Ever since that time, I have blogged very little here on pastorrobin.com.
I will always keep this site going and will post from time to time. The most recent stuff on this blog is in the “Leader’s Resources” tab above. I have been posting leadership and general church stuff in that area for your reference. I intend to post more videos and resources from what we are doing at PromiseLand. Hopefully, you will get some benefit and be able to apply some of it to your scenario. I am very interested in helping other pastors and leaders. If you are in need of general or specific help in your ministry or church, please comment below and we can connect.
Most of the daily or current blogging centered around my life and personal experience will now happen at
www.mademeaningful.com. We would love for you to join the conversation over there.